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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22724557">Path and Purpose</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZaZaCobra/pseuds/ZaZaCobra'>ZaZaCobra</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Loves of Thedas [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Attempt at Humor, Bad Templars (Dragon Age), Badass Protagonist, Circle Mages, Circle of Magi, Drunk Oghren (Dragon Age), Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Family, Flashbacks, Flirting, Friendship, Good Templars (Dragon Age), Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied Relationships, Mage Abuse and Opression (Dragon Age), Memories, Multi, Nudity, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Rape/Non-con, Platonic Relationships, Sexual Content, Slow Build, Snark, Trauma, Violence, attempt at being subtle, attempt at maturity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 16:20:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,213</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22724557</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZaZaCobra/pseuds/ZaZaCobra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Formerly of the circle, Miriam Amell has gone through hell in her short life: Circle nor the templars, were kind on her, and she made sacrifices to protect the one person she cared about. Constant bitterness remained through it all, despite her resisting it.</p><p>Once she joined the Grey wardens, Miriam dedicated herself for a single purpose: a goal greater than herself (which, to her delight, existed outside the chantry). Despite her cranky nature,  Miriam made sure the blight was defeated, and future ensured. A new symbol for dedication was born.</p><p>Now, the hero of Fereldan and leader of Grey wardens of Fereldan, she has taken upon herself the burden of command. Although she learned much about loyalty during the Fifth Blight, she still has a long way to go. Victory didn't guarantee absolute trust. </p><p>A man, who has spent a time in her cells, may be the key, for her to learn true comradery... and something else.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alistair/Female Cousland (Dragon Age), Female Amell/Nathaniel Howe, Leliana/Female Warden (Dragon Age), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Nathaniel Howe/Female Warden</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Loves of Thedas [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1705747</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Captive</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Now, this is something I have been playing around in my head. This fic will not be a re-telling of the DLC, more like bits from here and there. Mainly it focuses on relationships and character build. I admit it is not all figured out in my head, but it is a fic, it will gain structure along the way. What I try and focus on, is the characters :3 Also I try and make as original dialogues as possible (aside from some story stuff). Wish me luck! xD</p><p> I hope you have a good time, even if this isn't our typical Fem Cousland + Nate fic (there are great ones out there). </p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>Nathaniel wished his timing hadn't been so poor. Or perhaps it was perfect, considering the amount of deaths and chaos that occurred after his capture, which practically had saved his life. With his luck, he'd be blamed for some of them too. That was convenient after all.</p><p>Funny how these cell bars protected him from the attack, for all the good it did. Many innocents were dead and soon enough he was a dead man too. What else would be in store for a Howe, other than death? Or maybe imprisonment? That sounds about right.</p><p>His father had been at the wrong side of a war, and he, as a knight to be, knew what it meant: They would make the losing side into a villain and to the victor goes the spoils. Make the realm believe in it. It is what everyone did, whether or not it was "right" didn't matter. He wouldn't turn on his father so easily however. Despite what they called him.. a traitor. No, the liars could go soak themselves for all he cared.</p><p>Nathaniel leaned against the cold wall, sitting on his dirty old cot. Prison still smelled like urine and other things... rotten. It turned his mind to the purpose he had come here for. </p><p>The warden.</p><p>Honestly, he felt there was a fat chance he'd even get to see her. High and mighty mage, actually given power, might send someone else to handle him, he figured. He scoffed at the thought. His home would be the seat of power for a mage who had Nathaniel's father's blood on her hands. </p><p>A mage with blood on her hands. Ironic, and probably accurate in many ways. Word gets around in the end. Despite all the praise the all mighty hero had gotten, there were always rumors. Wouldn't be too difficult to image her as a blood mage. All the more reason to have her killed.</p><p>He would have settled for the Cousland too, after all it was said that she too bore responsibility. "Revenge" they said. "She carried out justice" they claimed. Another convenience, from the side of the victors. Still, it was said that Amell took the made the fatal blow.</p><p>All the difference it did, in this cell that reeked of shit. </p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Seneschal Varel felt wary, looking at the situation outside the keep:</p><p>Blood still stained the streets. Many had been burned and buried, Grey warden and civillian alike. The blood was toughest to get out, even in this rain. Darkspawn corpses were carefully disposed of, as per with the instructions of the Warden Commander, Arlessa of Amaranthine. They'd be gone without her, if not because of the attack, then of the taint. </p><p>A mage in charge. Amell. Who would have thought. A Grey warden, yes, but it was still unusual enough to ruffle some feathers. Especially after giving Ferelden's circle mages power. Well, luckily the title "Hero of Ferelden" carried enough weight, enough to endure scrutiny, even in this part of Thedas.</p><p><em>Luckily? </em>Varel shook his head. It was too early to say how lucky they were. Yes, it was an honor to have such a hero here, and he would do his duty for the king and country. But his duty would be counseling someone with no proper upbringing in nobility or Ferelden politics. Mages might be educated but somehow he doubted the circle was eager to teach them ruling.</p><p>With that in mind, he'd be lying, if he claimed he wasn't taken in by the woman in some way. Varel still recalled those intense, solemn eyes, that he greeted after she rescued him from the darkspawn. The respectful but neutral look she gave, when the king praised her. The stance that didn't waver when poor Mhairi died during her joining. </p><p>He couldn't quite tell what it was about, but there was a good chance he'd make his mind about her soon enough. His loyalty was hers through duty after all. And he was nothing, if not dutiful.</p><p>"Seneschal Varel." A woman called, interrupting his thoughts. A guard. "The warden commander informed that she'd be here with you any minute now, so you can discuss umm.. in her words: 'whatever was on your mind this time'." </p><p>Seneschal nodded and the guard saluted, leaving him alone again. It was time to get back to work.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Nathaniel stirred from his thoughts as the doors to the prisons was opening up and light steps of an entourage could be heard. He lazily looked toward the door, to see who came in now (not like there was much else happening to keep his interest).</p><p>A serious looking woman (with a blond man and dwarf accompanying behind her) walked in. Nathaniel's mind was silenced momentarily by a slight freezing like feeling within him, catching him off guard. He observed this woman as only a scout could: Even at a quick glance, it was obvious how attractive she was, overall. The lady had a long, curly hair with a deep dark (slightly rustic) red shade. Her hair had been pulled back into a bun, very practically. But in it's simplicity, she  carried herself with surprising elegance. </p><p>However, her attire raised many more questions:</p><p>The woman had a staff on her back. Obviously a mage staff. But she also had a sword on her belt. And she also wore actual armor, not mage robes. Only a mage would carry a staff but what kind of mage would carry a sword? Let alone, wear armor like that, armor of a soldier? He could wear it with ease (thanks to his squiring in Free marches), and it still would weight medium amount (at best) but on her it seemed too heavy.</p><p>There was one mage, rumored to be like this: A mage, fighting with both spells and swords. He simply hadn't believed it. Could this be the commander?</p><p>The woman turned her eyes on him for a second: She had stern gaze, sharp as a hawk. Nathaniel held her glance, almost as a challenge. She didn't react at all, as if this was the most natural situation in the world.</p><p>Was she bored?</p><p>"Ah Commander! Good thing you're here." The dark haired man felt a tinge in his spine. His suspicion had been correct. <em>Miriam Amell, Commander of the Grey...</em> The woman turned to the guard and nodded, beckoning him to continue. Together they stepped in front of Nathaniel's cell. This was it. "This one's been locked up three nights, now. Good men died while this one was protected in his cell." The guard spat. Nathaniel rolled his eyes. As if that had been his choice.</p><p> </p><p>"Who is he?" The woman finally spoke up, mature seeming voice booming the prison. It was spoken calmly, yet it held quiet authority.</p><p>"He won't give his name. All I know is he was caught poking around the estate in the middle of the night. I'd say he was just a thief, but it took four Grey Wardens to capture him."</p><p>The Commander quipped her thick eyebrow at that. "Really now?" He couldn't tell if it was curiosity or disappointment in her tone, she remained too neutral to tell. </p><p>The Guard nodded. "Aye. You best be careful. Whoever he is, he is no ordinary burglar, that's for sure."</p><p>The woman merely dismissed what he said. She looked like she wanted to say something else too, but held her tongue and nodded. The dwarf with a strong odor, seemed to see it as well, simply grinning. Maybe she would have said something funny?</p><p>"I would talk to him, guardsman. Go and summon the seneschal here. He wished to know what I'd choose to do here."</p><p>"Aye commander." With that the guard respectfully bowed, and left the scene. </p><p> </p><p>Just like that, only she remained in front of the bars to his cell. He only felt a slight tug in his stomach as she looked at him again, this time more intently. But it wasn't fear for his fate that he felt. At worst, it was a slight bit of nervousness. Mainly it was just anticipation: As if he was a bored man, forced to wait more and more. Only in his case, a judgement awaited. </p><p>Casually, the woman reached for the cell door.</p><p>"You heard us." The red headed woman said, matter of factly. "Unless you're deaf, you know what I wish to know." </p><p>Nathaniel stood up, as she opened the cell door and entered. The nerve of the woman. She must have assumed, that he was no real threat to her, unarmed and armored as he was. He took few steps closer to her, but only a few, leaving a good distance between.</p><p>"Well if it isn't the great hero, conqueror of the Blight and vanquisher of all evil." He spat, venomously, then smirking, mockingly at the woman. "Aren't you supposed to be ten feet tall? With lightning bolts shooting out of your eyes?"</p><p>The warden wasn't taken aback. At least she didn't appear to be. Merely looked at him, hand on her hip.</p><p>"Such imagination." Amell said, dryly. "Attempting to belittle me, is that it?"</p><p>"Belittle? No, I just figured my father's murderer would be more impressive, that's all." Nathaniel's brow furrowed, grin turning into something darker. Expression now completely changed, he continued: "I am Nathaniel Howe. My family owned these lands until you showed up. Do you even <em>remember</em> my father?"</p><p> </p><p>Now <em>there</em> was that look on the Hero's face: Genuine surprise (even if it was mild, it was there), both eyebrows raised. Even the dwarf seemed taken aback, only to look up at the commander. After a short pause, she straightened her back, and her face.</p><p>"A Howe. Your presence makes almost perfect sense now. " She mused, as if to herself. Then she folded her arms, and spoke firmly: "Your father, nor his deeds, have been forgotten, as if that isn't abundantly clear by now. He was very memorable man, especially to the Couslands." She was close enough for him to see her eyes: Ocean blue. They seemed dangerous, as she spoke the other family name. "Do <em>you </em>remember them?"</p><p>It wasn't surprising that she knew about it. Cousland was an ally of hers after all.</p><p>"How could <em>I </em>not? Oh I wish our new queen was here as well, I would tell her the same thing: Couslands were going to sell us out to the Orlesians!" Nathaniel shot back. What would a mage even understand of these noble families? </p><p>The Commander's eyes narrowed at him. He may just have hit a nerve. "Are these justifications? Or something your father told you?"</p><p>"How could he have told me this? You, with that Cousland, stormed his estate and murdered him, before I could even talk to him. <strong>I</strong> came here to...-" He had raised his voice a little, then sighed, and lowered it. "....I thought I was going to kill you. To lay a trap for you. But then I realized that I just wished to reclaim some of my family's things. It is all I have left..." </p><p> </p><p>Moment of pause in the dialogue again, when the commander pondered his response, maybe his sincerity. </p><p>"You seem so sure of everything. Certain enough to consider a murder. Were you aware of your father's dealings in Ferelden?"</p><p> "If you're asking whether I knew what he was up to, the answer is no. I was squired in the Free marches." Nathaniel folded his arm in front of him. "Look, I don't know what really happened with the Couslands. It sounds like it was horrible. The entire war was... Whatever my father did, however, shouldn't harm my entire family. The Howes are pariahs now, those of us left." He grinned, humorlessly. "It is all thanks to you. And now you get to decide my fate, in our home. Ha! Ironic isn't it?"</p><p>"Well what did you think would happen if you were caught?" She simply replied, slightly snarky.</p><p>"I didn't care...  I just wasn't expecting a lecture from a woman who killed my father and ruined my family..."</p><p>The Commander surprisingly just carried on, not concerned of his tone, only toughening hers. "Still, you did not go through with killing me, yet." The commander remarked. "Is disdain truly all that you hold for us? Me? The Grey wardens?"</p><p>The Howe sighed, tired of this already. Exhausted of this whole misfortune that had befallen his family, his home. He looked down at the ceiling, in wonder. "The darkspawn are a menace. If it weren't for the blight, maybe my father would never have... done what he did." Quickly, he raised up his gaze again, looking at the commander with defiance. "But I can't do anything about it, can I?! There is just you, and the Grey wardens, here in my home!" His tone was intense, matching hers. No matter what they'd do, this was his home... Not theirs.</p><p> </p><p>Silence remained between them for a moment. Commander Amell touched her chin with her fingertips, in wonder. Nathaniel quipped his eyebrow.</p><p>"Our Grey wardens had trouble with handling you I hear. You did well in Free marches, in your squiring, yes?"</p><p>The man frowned. Sudden change in topic. Was she trying to look up more excuses, in order to give him harsher punishment or something? "I am not without skills. My time abroad wasn't spent in chasing skirts, and drinking wine."</p><p>"And what skills are those?" </p><p>"Hunting. Scouting. <em>Poisons</em>." His frown deepened. "Why? What do you care?"</p><p>"A man with skills has better chance at finding a path in the world, even in your position."</p><p>Nathaniel merely scoffed. "You're right. I'll go join King Alistair's service immediately. He would gladly give a Howe, or better yet, someone who wants his queen dead, another chance!"</p><p>"You'd be surprised." The Commander said, something deep in her voice. And for the first time, one corner of her lips was upward. She appeared... amused? Then finally letting her hands fall on her sides, she looked like she was about to say something, but in that moment, the door to the prison opened up. Seneschal Varel and the prison guard behind him, had arrived. Without saying anything, she left the cell, but left the door open. Nathaniel knew it was time. She would make the choice, and he'd have to live with it.</p><p> </p><p>"I brought the seneschal for you commander." The guardsman told her.</p><p>"I can see that, thank you guardsman." She said (it was difficult to say if she was being snarky or not).</p><p>Varel only looked at Nathaniel, through the open cell door. He noted that it was left ajar, probably for a reason. "I see you have spoken to our guest. Quite the handful isn't he?" He said, looking at the commander. "Have you decided what's to be done with him?"</p><p> </p><p>Whatever amusement had been there, was gone. Disappeared before the seneschal could ever have seen it. The Commander turned to her steward, eyebrow raised. "This man is Nathaniel Howe." She said calmly.</p><p>"A Howe?" The steward repeated, rather unhappy about it. "It figures they would turn up again. The Howes are implacable enemies, commander." Nathaniel let out a scoff, and Miriam Amell noticed this. </p><p>Amell appeared unmoved.</p><p>"Thank you for the sentiment Varel, but I remember my enemies. This is the first time I have met <em>him</em>." Her eyes were stern as she spoke to Varel.</p><p>Nathaniel was taken aback, but not visibly. The blond mage behind the commander whistled, as if she had just said something hurtful to someone (Varel only nodded, pragmatic as ever). But the look on the dwarf was... different. He eyed the woman with a suspicion. A look only someone who knew the other, would give.</p><p> </p><p>"As an answer to your question, yes I have decided what is to be done with him." The Commander turned to look at Nathaniel, awaited his sentence but for the first time, he was uncertain what was to come.</p><p>"I invoke the right of conscription."</p><p> </p><p>Baffled look appeared on Howe's face (and the rest of their faces, except the dwarfs).</p><p>"You <strong>what</strong>?"</p><p> </p><p>"I am sorry, commander, but the right of conscription, on the prisoner?" Varel stared at her, in disbelief.</p><p>Amell was about to speak, but was interrupted by a loud complain from Nathaniel.</p><p>"No, absolutely not! Hang me first!" The man protested, stepping forward.</p><p> </p><p>The commander turned, sizing Nathaniel up and down with her eyes. "Not afraid to die? A good quality for a warden." She said <em>very </em>dryly... But also somewhat cryptically, waving her hand at him dismissing his comment. "Spare me further theatrics please. You would prefer certain death over being a warden that much?"</p><p>He folded his arms in disbelief. "Hard to say. You like having Grey wardens who want you dead?"</p><p>"You'd be surprised." Voice dry as ever.</p><p>Nathaniel shook his head. This couldn't be happening. "I can't decide if this is a vote of confidence or punishment."</p><p>"Someday, you can." She answered quietly. </p><p> </p><p>Varel was visibly holding back a cringe. "An... interesting decision commander."</p><p>"Nothing interesting about this, Varel. We have a skillful individual in front of us: One who held against <strong>four</strong> Grey wardens. And with so many of my order dead or captured, I do not have the luxury of dismissing skilled individuals. Beside that point... You should know by now, that there are Grey wardens from all backgrounds." The commander gave one last look for Nathaniel, with those sharp eyes of hers. "I myself, had to be conscripted." The woman ended on a tone, that clearly stated that sje she would not be elaborating. Varel nodded, respectfully, and she turned to leave. </p><p>Nathaniel watched her back. He didn't know if he could trust any of his senses right now.</p><p>"Come with me, Howe." She called over her shoulder. "Let's see if you have what it takes."</p><p> </p><p>The Howe followed.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>“<em>Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that can not be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. And that one day we shall join you.</em></p><p>Amell remembered those words, like it was yesterday. Words Alistair had spoken, as Daveth prepared to take his sip. Then Jory faltered and Theron couldn't be more eager to take his sip... Whilst she didn't know what to think for once. That is what she always did: Think. Letting impulses or feelings take over instead of using your head would compromise a warden (in excess)... But she had to admit, she felt regret over Daveth: he would have made a good Grey Warden, on hindsight. Braver than Jory was, at any rate. Even if the man had more to lose, he faltered in his ignorance. It cost him.</p><p>Now it was her turn to say the words, to her new recruits. Anders and Ogrhen, to her mind, were too new to say these words so she would be saying them.. for a while.</p><p>But she said them to Nathaniel Howe. Amell looked at the dark haired man, as she said the words. There was a resemblance between him, and his father. Also a resemblance with him and Daveth (both could have ended up in a noose). There would be many questioning her decision (like always), she knew it already, but didn't mind as long as she was confident. Only one she'd have to inform, was the queen. Elise had been a good ally and friend to her, ever since the Blight. The woman was one with kind heart, kinder than hers ever was. She deserved to know.</p><p>"From this moment forth, Nathaniel Howe, you are a Grey warden." Declared Miriam Amell, offering the joining cup to the disgraced man. He took it with no hesitance, but still carefully. Part of her wondered, would he have the stomach for it.</p><p>He inhaled. "The moment of truth..." And then he drunk. Miriam took the goblet back, and watched as Nathaniel's eyes rolled and he fell to the ground.</p><p>Varel hurried over to the man, checking his breathing... and then looked over his shoulder at Amell. "The Howe is stronger than expected. For better or worse, he will live."</p><p>And there it was. Miriam set aside the goblet and muttered: </p><p>"Better or for worse."</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Joining</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>It was early, barely a morning. Amell strolled the keep, over at the battlements where she had first found Varel. She looked at the view: small buildings near the entrance, with few people and guards starting their daily routines. Varel had done respectful job, getting things cleaned up so quickly. Grey Wardens had chosen well.</p><p>It was hard to see more of the keep, since it was still pretty dark here outside, and even though she'd been awake for awhile now, it didn't seem any brighter.</p><p>After the Blight, Amell couldn't settle for any schedule that could be considered... laid back. Camping outside, during the blight didn't offer much downtime for rest.</p><p>Circle was easier in a way, even with it's rules about sleep; argument being that all the demons would have more time with the mages in the fade and such. But in circles they had beds, warmth, baths... Those were comforts she couldn't deny being a luxury. There were plenty of peasants who would love to have had the benefits of the circle. Without the curse of magic, of course.</p><p>But the circle was always a gilded cage and she, a prisoner. Her life in hands of other, not hers. No matter how much the chantry tried to force it down her throat however, she made up her own mind: She never belonged to (or in) the circle... and especially to the chantry.  Bottom line, she preferred the tough life of a Grey Warden over that "comfy" circle life.</p><p>Miriam frowned as her thoughts began to wonder. She remembered her time in the circle well. Too well to her liking. It had taken awhile outside to see more faults in the circle, but also it's privileges. Honestly she wanted to hate it all, after everything she suffered there. It would be preferable even. But being a Grey warden had forced her to open her eyes, even when it was uncomfortable.</p><p>Besides, Amell could never regret a life with Nea in it, the kindest soul ever to walk on Thedas. Without the circle, they'd never met. She could never be <em>that</em> bitter. Now, she was a Grey warden and she was damn good at being one. And it was a duty away from that cursed tower... So there were few scars.. Perhaps it was a price to pay, in order to get here.</p><p> </p><p>Amell let out an annoyed sigh. No matter the distance, her mind would always stew on that bloody tower.</p><p> </p><p>Now they had new head quarters. A keep. Her new personal quarters offered more comfort and privacy than circle ever did. Soft bed, fireplace, own study... Fit for the new Arlessa.</p><p>Things had changed, but it only made her timid.</p><p>It was more responsibility and challenges so being the commander felt somewhat natural, yes. After all, Amell found out what she was truly capable of during the Blight. But an Arling? She wouldn't be staying inside closed doors, she had too much to do: She'd still have to personally take care of the darkspawn, among other things. But alongside that, she'd have to rule!</p><p>Of course she knew why Weisshaupt was so determined to have this done a certain way: It could prove the importance of Grey wardens outside a blight and yes, the authority of an Arlessa would even give her reach and influence, which would help her considerably in getting things done properly. But ruling was not what she had signed up for. She would make a choice when it needed to be done even if it was a political one, (just like during the blight) but this Arling seemed more like a game move on their (Weisshaupt's) part rather than actual pragmatic planning ahead. It was a game, which she didn't fully understand yet. And it wasn't her only concern.</p><p>Grey Wardens were still few in number. Orlais sent it's wardens and now they were gone or killed. She was stuck cleaning up messes no one else was willing (or able) to handle or worse, she was set up as an escape goat if things went sour, and still she would have to go above and beyond to get it done. It seemed her duty was now more about management with authority, rather than leadership and fieldwork. But she wouldn't turn down hard work, otherwise she'd be useless. </p><p>Amell just couldn't help but be skeptical. Some habits never die.</p><p> </p><p>Lack of wardens was a big factor in why she recruited the Howe: She needed support team. There was a crisis at hand and people still wished to waste talent. Ridiculous! Granted, she would have to be careful with him. Underestimated man is a deadly one and he had threatened her life... But alas, she didn't doubt her decision. There were too many factors at play. She needed people, and she didn't have the luxury of throwing straight up potential aside.</p><p><em>It was what Duncan would have done,</em> Amell thought. <em>Enough of the whining. There is work to be done</em><em>. </em>She let out another annoyed sigh. </p><p> </p><p>A yelp woke her from her thoughts. A woman had dropped something and was being yelled at by another worker. Amell watched, not moving an inch. She had let her thoughts wonder around again. Aimlessly. There was much to do, and she should start getting ready for the day soon. Too early to be daydreaming.</p><p>She started patrolling around. There was still time to enjoy morning air, before the sun was completely up.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"From this moment forth, Nathaniel Howe, you are a Grey Warden."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She had spoken those words so sternly. There had been a strange look in her eyes, Nathaniel noted. Look with calmness... and distance. No pity, no hesitance... no remorse. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The moment of truth.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nathaniel had taken the chalice; His life was forfeit anyhow: Once conscripted, there was nothing to be done about it. He would not prove himself a coward by refusing, so he drank the dark liquid, to start his new life, bitter as it may have looked. Or die.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The foul black liquid didn't taste sweet either. He handed out the goblet back to the seneschal who stepped back to witness the results.</em>
</p><p><em>Almost immediately he felt the effect: Nathaniel could feel a throbbing pain in his head as flashes of different nightmarish images showed themselves before him.</em> <em> He could feel the taint in his body, as his mind opened up to new sensations. He hadn't even noticed when he had fallen onto the floor.</em></p><p>
  <em>His mind took it's time to stir awake. Headache was gone, but the strange sensation was not.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Awake then? Good." Commander greeted him. "Welcome". She seemed almost sincere. Just in a blink of an eye, it was gone however.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nathaniel could only a manage an uncertain frown.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The commander-- his  commander now -- beckoned to the blonde mage and red headed dwarf beside her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"These two are Anders and Oghren. They will show you to your barracks, where grey wardens will be resting. For now, that includes only them and you. You will be provided with equipment, and so forth. When it comes to your duties, you will learn what it means to be a grey warden through following my lead... Much will become clear in the upcoming months. For now you will need a proper rest. As much as you<strong> can</strong>. We will talk more in the morning." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The commander nodded to him, leaving him just standing there, baffled and woozy, looking after her as she walked out of the room, already looking through some letters a servant had handed to her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The duo showed him to the quarters where the "common" grey wardens would be staying at. Quite a change from his own quarters here in the keep. He wondered what had been done to them. Perhaps it was given a completely new purpose, to erase it's past. To erase his youth.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anders attempted to be clever and the dwarf made some vulgar jokes, but Nathaniel was honestly too tired to pay attention to either of them. As soon as he saw his new bunk, he took off his boots and laid down. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Only thing he thought about before sleep, was that "now I am a grey warden. What do I do now? What does it mean? What will happen next?"</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He did his best attempt at sleep but those nightmarish visions followed until he could rest no longer.</p><p>Nathaniel blinked his eyes awake from restless sleep, trying to remember yesterdays events, staring at the ceiling.</p><p><em>As much rest as he can get, huh? What a joke. </em>He felt more uncomfortable now than in the cell, due to horrible nightmares. The bunk was comfortable enough, the quarters weren't too crowded (even if the dwarf snored)... But this was all strange. Too strange. His body had changed, and his head hurt even more now. It made him nauseous. </p><p><em>Enough of this,</em> he thought and stood up from the bed. He had to get some air. Quietly, he gathered his boots, put them on, and walked out of the room.  As he walked through the keep, it became very clear it was barely a morning. Very few servants were awake, hurrying up with their chores. Like nothing major had changed in the keep and everything was as it had always been. </p><p>He arrived outside and started walking around a bit. It was still dark, and the air remained damp. Few guards very doing their patrols, yawning as they were, but at least none was dozing off... As far as he knew that is. They were paying him no mind, too "focused" on their own jobs. A huge change, as far as he was concerned.</p><p> </p><p>Nathaniel stopped at the main gate, looking outside. Once the morning was fully here, he knew that those non-caring looks of others would change into those of judgement. It was his home, and yet he would be looked down upon. People would spat as he passed, avoid him... Like a stranger with a plague.</p><p>He wondered if the grey wardens would treat him any different. </p><p> </p><p>"Planning to run away are you? That did not take long."  Nathaniel quickly turned to look towards the source of the voice. To his surprise, it was the Commander walking towards him. It would seem he wasn't the only one up early.</p><p>For a second he was confused by her meaning, until he realized what it must have looked like: early morning, not many guards anywhere and he was just at the gates, looking outside. He of all people would look suspicious.</p><p>"And where exactly would I run off to?" He asked, slightly irritated. "You've already taken my home away, my family. Or is there something you have left out for scraps?"</p><p>She didn't appear annoyed by his tone, but she was far from amused. "I could say I left you with your life. But that isn't entirely true anymore, now is it?"</p><p>"I had almost forgotten. Thank you for reminding me." He answered dryly.</p><p>Indeed, he was a Grey Warden now. He wasn't sure what that would entail but if the joining was any indication, there would definitely be more to it than glory and worship of the people. This whole thing hadn't completely sunk in yet but it was about to. </p><p> </p><p>The commander came up beside him, and leaned her hip against the gate. She was not currently wearing any armor, just a bodice and leather trousers. Her hair was up in a messy bun. The woman had the look of someone who had seen and experienced many unforgettable things, and would not pay any mind to anything that wasn't relevant. But in this state she almost seemed... well normal wasn't the word for it, but she didn't look special. Certainly not like a commander. Nathaniel wondered was there really anything more to her than some attitude, armor and a fancy title.</p><p>She didn't say anything at first. Just looked outside the gate, just like him. Atmosphere wasn't awkward but it was filled with tension. Then she finally turned her gaze up to him.</p><p>"Bad dreams, I presume?" </p><p>Nathaniel raised his eyebrow. "Because I am up early? I can't just be walking around, looking around my childhood home?"</p><p>"Certainly you could be. But the dark lines under your eyes are a dead give away. So again, nightmares?"</p><p>He rolled his eyes at her. "Now what reason could I possibly have to have nightmares?" He asked, sarcasm heavy in his voice, determined to be as difficult as possible.</p><p>"If this is your idea of morning attitude <em>Howe, </em>then I've had enough of it." The Commander suddenly said very sternly. "I am not here to make empty conversation which wouldn't lead anywhere , so spare us both from it and <em>kindly</em> answer my question."</p><p>Her tone caught him off guard. She had seemed so calm and collected. Had he actually gotten to her so quickly? <em>Well it would seem that the commander is impatient. Great.</em> Nathaniel could have kept it up, but there would be no point in it. So he simply relented.</p><p>"Fine, you got me. I slept poorly, what of it?"</p><p> </p><p>Just like that, her frown eased and that neutral mask was back on. Her voice may have remained strong, but at least the calm look was back.</p><p>"First taste of what is means to be one of us." The commander told him, looking away again.</p><p>"What, the nightmares?"</p><p>She nodded. "Yes. They shouldn't occur every night and eventually you should be able to block them out but they will remain a constant in your life. How bad it is, depends on the individual Grey warden, but at first it is hard for all."</p><p>He did feel different... He had assumed the head pain was the cause of his nightmares that night but he had a gut feeling that wasn't it. Now he had his confirmation.</p><p>Nathaniel folded his arms. "Let me guess. It was the Joining ritual wasn't it?"</p><p>"You guess correctly. The ritual does many things to us -- those of us who survive --... Physically and so on. Mainly, the Joining allows us to sense darkspawn, but with it come the nightmares. The first thing I noticed in fact. I wondered if that was the same for you."</p><p>It was becoming more and more clear, that the Joining wasn't just for show.</p><p>"Isn't it a bit early to say? This could have just been a coincidence."</p><p>"Of course it could be. But I doubt it." Her eyes returned to his once more. Only now he realized how long he had been looking the strange woman. She didn't seem to care. Her voice deepened. "One day, about thirty years from now, those nightmares will return with a vengeance."</p><p>The look in her eyes made him feel nervous: completely serious but also... sympathetic?</p><p>"And what does that mean exactly?"</p><p>"It means," she starts, voice slightly softer, but still firm, "that the time is up. We may have survived the Joining, but we will all die from the taint in the end. Our lives are cut short, unless we fall in battle first. The nightmares -- the calling it is named -- will be the telltale sign that you're going to die."</p><p> </p><p>Shiver ran down Nathaniel's spine. Suddenly he became aware of how cold and quiet it was around the keep. He remained silent for a couple of heartbeats, and the commander allowed him to have this moment of silence, to truly digest this nugget of information. </p><p>He rubbed his forehead with his right hand, to ease the raising tenseness. It was a shock, Nathaniel wasn't about to whine. Of all the things in the world, he would not become a whining coward with his tail between his legs.</p><p>"That's a lot to process..." He murmured.</p><p>"It always is." She agreed solemnly.</p><p>"Can't be changed now, can it." Nathaniel shrugged and let his hand fall to his side. "Guess you really didn't leave me with my life."</p><p>The commander stood up properly, stepping away from the gate, closer to him.</p><p>"That is one of the sacrifices we have to make in this life. And a big reason why so much of the joining is kept a secret." </p><p>"I had wondered about that, all these secrets. Guess now I know why." </p><p>"There is still much more to know and you will, in time." She quickly brushed off some dirt from her pants, and seemed to be ready to leave. "If you have questions, I will answer them. Other than that, what I told you yesterday still stands: You will learn through following my lead."</p><p>Nathaniel nodded. "Yes... Commander." </p><p> </p><p>She looked at him, curiosity in her eyes and turned to leave but stopped in her tracks.</p><p>"Now knowing this, and considering you were conscripted-- Among other things-- Would you change it, if you could?"</p><p>"I am confused. Change what part?"</p><p>"The Joining... Would you reverse it and run, if you could? Earlier, you may not have felt like running, but how is it now that you have a taste of the consequences?"</p><p>Nathaniel scowled.</p><p>"Odd question... There's really not much point in discussing something that cannot be changed."</p><p>"True. But there is some point in it. Even if just a little. Otherwise I would not ask."</p><p>He seized her up and down, considering what she meant.</p><p>"...You are trying to figure out how much you can trust me, is that it?"</p><p>To his surprise, her full lips turned into an appreciative half-smile.</p><p>"Perhaps. Or perhaps I am simply trying to understand you. Regardless, the question stands."</p><p> </p><p>Nathaniel looked into her eyes. She was not afraid to look back. He felt insulted, even if someone would call her motivations fair. He looked for a sign of mockery, something blatant to make him want to shut her down. </p><p>But she held his eyes. Not as much as a hesitant blink. The woman radiated confidence (maybe borderline arrogance), and self control but beyond that it was hard to tell anything else.</p><p>It was Nathaniel who gave in. He thought about what to say. When she had first invoked the right of conscription, he had argued against it. The emotions were still fresh in his mind; The anger, hatred and shock. Yet he had not fought it when it came to it. It is not that there was any other real choice, but still. Did this knowledge of the joining really change anything?</p><p> </p><p>It took him a while to answer, all the while the commander just waited in silence.</p><p> </p><p>"I don't know. It may be too soon to say... But at this moment? I don't think I would."</p><p>"Truly now?" She didn't sound convinced. </p><p>He turned his body toward hers, and stared.</p><p>"Not because of some nightmares at least." He quipped before continuing.</p><p>"Look, I haven't forgotten what you done to me. You murdered my father and I won't just let it go. And you know exactly what has happened to my family so I won't remind you." He looked away a second, to gather himself up again, before continuing: "But... as I said before, I have nowhere else to go. I fully expected to die out there.</p><p>Point is... I have nothing left and grey wardens have an important job to do, dealing with darkspawn, and I can help with that. Maybe that's what I must do. Maybe that is what my father should have done, I do not know. I must at least... try. I do not intend to run away from this like a coward. Doubt me if you must, but don't think I will run away with my tail between my legs."</p><p> </p><p>The commander weighed what he said. Then nodded, understanding his meaning.</p><p>"Thank you for your candidness. I look forward to seeing what else you got up your sleeve." Again she looked like she was about to leave, but yet she remained. "One last thing."</p><p>"Yes commander?"</p><p>She looked amused. "Call me Amell. That is how I addressed my own commander, the one who recruit-- I mean conscripted--- me."</p><p>Nathaniel raised his eyebrows. "Oh. I see." He felt slightly awkward. This was still the woman who had hurt his family. It would be easier (but not easy) to accept her as his commander. It would feel strange to call her by name. Not to mention the fact that everyone else seemed to prefer calling her by her title(s). "I'll keep it in mind."</p><p>For some reason, he blurted out an impulse question: "What was his name?"</p><p>Amell quipped her eyebrow, but answered without hesitance: "Duncan. He was a good man." </p><p> </p><p>With that, she finally turned around and left. Nathaniel watched her go, until he realized how long he had stared and quickly turned away. He stood there at the gate for awhile afterwards. Outside was considerably lighter now, as morning was really here.</p><p>The commander was a very strange woman. Nathaniel hated her, enough to wish her dead, and yet couldn't help but feel... strange after her their interaction. He couldn't understand her motives, and overall felt confused. There were doubts in his mind, true, but after this conversation, he felt... reassured? </p><p>Amell was a strange woman with a strange effect, that is the only thing he knew.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>"So you are a Howe!" Anders quipped at Nathaniel, whilst he was putting on the last piece of armor he had been provided with at Wades. </p><p>"Do you have a point, mage?" He snapped, already feeling defensive.</p><p>Anders raised his hands as sign of peace. "Heeeey I am fond of the Howes! I am also fond of the why's who's and the what's!" </p><p>Nathaniel rolled his eyes. "How clever." He noted sarcastically, tired of the mage already. Anders on the other hand seemed to be near laughter.</p><p>"Ah, it is shameful how long it took for me to come up with that!" He sighed contently.</p><p>Suddenly Nathaniel really questioned the standards when it came to picking grey wardens. The mage had to have skill at least, to be here? Otherwise he had greatly overestimated what it took to become a grey warden.</p><p>"HA! You call that clever little mage boy? Wait till you hear a round of mine, once I've gotten the booze going again!"</p><p>"Oh and those first three gulps don't count? I bet you're just making excuses. Because you're scared." Anders finished his last sentence with low pitched tone, in order to mock Oghren.</p><p>Nathaniel groaned and just leaned against the pillar outside Wade's store, drifting away into his thoughts as the duo began throwing puns and insults at one another, all worse than the last. </p><p> </p><p>"I am going to assume the two of you have had you fill now?" Amell interrupted the battle of "wits", walking out of the keep towards the group. She didn't wait for an answer. "Good. We have  a darkspawn problem down at the cellars... <em>Which I was only just now made aware of</em>..." She said the last sentence under her breath, Nathaniel barely hearing it.</p><p>She was in full scale armor again, and sword on her belt. Her hair was in a tight bun, and her brow slightly furrowed. Overall, she seemed different from the woman he had witnessed this morning. <em>Now</em> she looked like a commander.</p><p>"I trust you were given all that you need?" Amell asked him. </p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Then we are all set. Let's get a move on."</p><p>"Right behind you Amell."</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Pyre</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I admit, I struggle with what points of views use at which point. I want to keep mystery, so third person point of view works, but I also want to add character point of view thoughts etc. To help relate with the characters, you know?</p><p>But I have decided to try and make it work. I will try to make the point of view shifts as smooth as possible, so reading won't become difficult. There is intentionally many of these, because I want every scene to have a certain feel to it. I am happy how the first two chapters came out but there is always room for improvement!</p><p>Let's hope it works!<br/>:)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Amell lightly caressed the injured mabari, who painfully laid on the floor of the dark cellar down below the keep. Nathaniel looked at the pair of them, feeling sympathy for the poor animal.</p><p>"What wretched state you are in." Amell murmured quiet enough so no one else could hear what she was saying, scratching behind his ear. </p><p>"Poor boy. Must have been injured by the darkspawn. Doesn't look like he is going to make it." Nathaniel noted behind her. </p><p>Oghren grumbled. "I don't know. The mutt we had to drag along made it through all sorts of scuffles... Annoying beast, but tough. Wouldn't surprise me if this too would have it in him." </p><p>"What mutt?"</p><p>"Amell's pet mabari. Bloody animal stole my dinner dozens of times." Oghren murmured. "Don't tell me we're gonna adopt this one too!"</p><p>Anders grinned widely. "Oh Amell had a pet? How precious! Here I thought she hated all animals. Although I admit I'm a more of a cat person myself. A dog panting and drooling doesn't really do much for me."</p><p>"Ugh... Of course you'd say that sparkle finger... Useless pest for an annoying boy."</p><p>Nathaniel looked at the mabari again, attempting to tune out the immature spat those two were trying to restart. Again.</p><p>"Well, I hope he makes it. I'd hate to put him down." Amell remained quiet, comforting the poor animal. It looked strange, because she still held that stern gaze, despite her tender touch. It was an odd combination so witness. The comforting stopped as she noticed something attached to the dog's collar.</p><p>Nathaniel moved closer, to see what it was.</p><p>"A scroll." She said and started to read the message to the others. "A woman named Adria says there are still survivors. She is pleading for help."</p><p>Nathaniel took a deep inhale, which made Amell look over her shoulder at him, eyebrow raised. His face had just turned into one of concern and urgency.</p><p>"Adria! She was like a mother to me. We must help her!"</p><p>"No time to waste then." She stood up, no further questions asked, crumbled the note and lead forward without hesitation. "Be on your guard, I can already sense more darkspawn ahead."</p><p> </p><p>The rest mused in agreement and drew their weapons ready. Amell had a hand on her sword, and summoned magic to the other: the aura's to increase her strength and endurance in combat, the fiery flames to make her sword even deadlier and electricity in her other hand, to throw at the enemy once they were spotted.</p><p>It might have been an overkill, but they were in a hurry to find potential survivors, so it was called for.</p><p>She could feel the drain that it took from her body, but time had taught her what she could sustain. There was no worry in her mind yet.</p><p> </p><p>When they came to the door, behind which she knew were the darkspawn, Amell gave Oghren a signal to rush in. She also shared a look with Ander and Nathaniel, ensuring their readiness.The dwarf nodded eagerly and kicked the door in, letting out his battle cries as he did. The darkspawn immediately turned to them and let out their own growls. Oghren rushed in, not afraid in the least.</p><p>Amell was right behind him, finally releasing the bolt of electricity from her hand, directing it towards a hurlock archer. The mere shock of it was enough to send the creature flying across the room against the wall, smoke raising up from the tainted flesh.</p><p>The rest of the creatures charged, screaming their demonic screeches. </p><p>Firm grip on her sword, she strode ahead: A hurlock, after another got hit by her magic, and if they got too close, they were cut down by her sword.</p><p>Oghren laughed loudly, cutting another darkspawn in half.</p><p>"Heh! Way to go boss! Just like old times!" </p><p>"Do not let the reminiscing slow you down Oghren!" Amell yelled back, electrocuting another hurlock, since more were coming at her.</p><p>But they were stopped as an arrow flew right past her: It hit right onto the head of the nearest hurlock. It was Nathaniel's arrows that offered her support. Amell had no time to turn around, and acknowledge him, even though she appreciated the finesse and accuracy of the shot.</p><p>They simply fought together in sync, to the end of it. Last darkspawn was frozen and shattered by Anders, who grinned gladly.</p><p> </p><p>He turned towards Amell. "You know it is quite fun like this! It is like license to throw magic around, without templars hovering over my neck. Only the gore is a minus." He chattered, brushing dust off his robes.</p><p>Amell didn't look at him, just looked around, getting the sense of darkspawn and their surrounding.</p><p>"Whatever keeps you motivated Anders." She simply responded, uninterested in idle talk.</p><p>"Aww, one of these days I will get you to bond over our shared taste in magic."</p><p>"If you must, but for now, <em>focus</em>." </p><p> </p><p>With that said, they hurried ahead, killing many darkspawn on the way. They also found a strange room in the cellars, with sarcophagus's. Amell wanted to be thorough, in her search for survivors but there they only found undead. Nathaniel was disturbed by the place and now understood why he had been forbidden by his mother to enter here, in his youth. Amell on the other hand made a mental note to return later, out of scholarly interest.</p><p>They did find survivors, prisoners locked in their cells. Amell refused to let them go. Yet. Nathaniel questioned this but she simply stated that they might still be in danger if they were let out, not to mention she didn't know what they were in for. They'd get them and figure out their past later.</p><p> </p><p>The further they went, the more worry Amell detected emanating from Nathaniel. He couldn't blamed for worrying. She on the other hand, had her suspicions of what had happened to Adria. Based on the poor state of the mabari, and the amount of ghouls that were around, there would be a small chance that they'd find her alive.</p><p>Unfortunately her suspicion was proven correct: Adria had already turned into a ghoul when they found. Nathaniel was beyond shocked at the sight of it.</p><p>"No, Adria." He had breathed, before turning to Amell: He gripped her arm and pleaded with her. "There must be something we can do." He pleaded.</p><p>Amell shook his hand off as soon as she felt him hand on her arm. Too quickly, startling him. Her eyes raged at him like a storm, due to his unwelcomed touch.</p><p>"There isn't." She immediately answered him, sterner than was called for. Nathaniel felt a stung in his chest, finding it difficult to swallow that another family member was gone. </p><p>Adria had now fully turned around towards them and let out an inhumane screech, getting Nathaniel's and Amell's attention back. She, with the rest of the ghouls, attacked.</p><p>"Fight! Do not hesitate now!" Amell growled, casting electricity from her hands and pushing Nathaniel behind her.</p><p>Nathaniel reluctantly drew his weapon and aimed. It was the only thing he could do.</p><p> </p><p>Battle was over soon. Adria-- or what was left of her-- was still on the ground, trying to reach for them, horrid gurgling sounds coming from her throat.</p><p>Nathaniel looked at the woman he once had known, feeling something twisting in his stomach. Another piece of his life, one of the better ones, was destroyed. He looked down at her suffering form, this image now stuck in his mind forever.</p><p>"Putting her down will be a mercy, Howe." Oghren murmured behind them. "It is not pretty, but it's no good leaving anyone like this."</p><p>Nathaniel was surprised to hear the dwarf say anything. But suppose of all the people, dwarves would understand this.</p><p> </p><p>"I can do it, if you wish. Or do you wish to be the one to do it?" Amell gently offered beside him. More gently than was her style. Definitely more gently than how she had last spoken to him.</p><p>The man looked pained, watching the woman he had known for so long, turned into such a thing. He turned his eyes to Amell, unable to hide his vulnerable state, even to her.</p><p>"I should be the one to do it. I knew her, I think-- I think she would understand."</p><p>She nodded and stepped aside, giving him some space. Nathaniel drew his dagger and knelt down, brows furrowed. Adria was twisted and powerless to harm him, but still tried to grab him, tainted blood pouring out of her mouth.</p><p>"I am sorry I was too late Adria. I will set you free."</p><p>Adria let out one last scream, before Nathaniel stabbed her in the heart, stopping her movements forever. The ghoul stopped moving, and like a ragged doll her limbs went numb, as he withdrew his dagger. His hand may not have been shaking, but his eyes were frozen. </p><p> </p><p>Nathaniel didn't know how much time passed, probably not that much, when Amell reappeared at his side.</p><p>"You did the only thing you could. She will receive a proper funeral later, alongside the rest of these people." She told him, looking at the other corpses around. For a second he felt genuine sympathy from her, until she continued. "I would prefer not to rush you, but you must put grief aside for now. We still have a lot work ahead. The security of those who remain, take priority over those who are lost."</p><p>Their eyes met: Clash of cool grey and ocean blue. Neither could read one another, but that didn't stop them from measuring each other. A tense atmosphere settled around them, leaving Oghren and Anders feeling very uncomfortable. Nathaniel stood up, looking like he was going to snap at her.</p><p>But instead he nodded quietly, a gloomy look on his face.</p><p>"Yes.. nothing more to be done here." He said bitterly.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Nathaniel collected arrows from darkspawn that littered around the Turnoble estate. He would need to get himself more of them, as they ran out quickly. He had miscalculated the amount he'd need, which didn't often happen but darkspawn were a threat he wasn't used to facing yet. It was surprising how many arrows they'd manage to take before going down. He hadn't bothered to count the amount of darkspawn they'd managed to slain that day. Or more accurately, he had lost the count. Those maker cursed beasts were everywhere.</p><p>He looked around that farm, few dead farmers and peasants laying around, some were hanged. They even found Goodwife Valena Turnoble's already cold dead corpse. After their fighting at the cellars had ended, and they had found where the darspawn were coming from, they had immediately made their way here. Their warden commander had had a letter delivered to her, begging for assistance... But it seems that they had been too late.</p><p> </p><p>Right now, Amell was looking around as well, but not at the victims; She was searching for more threats. They had defeated all the darkspawn nearby, but more could always show up and try and ambush them... But honestly, Nathaniel believed it was more about Amell not paying much mind to the dead: the woman simply liked to focus more in finding and killing darskpawn, not to aid the commoners. She had given the job to Anders and Oghren: told them to look around for survivors, but it had seemed like a second thought to her.</p><p>Her indifference frankly bothered him. Irritated even. It is not that he expected emotional outbursts, he even considered himself restraint when it came to such matters, but he did show respect and acknowledgement toward the dead victims: After all, they had all been someones loved ones, parents, children... Family. Innocents trying to just live their lives in peace. But she just seemed... cold. Distant. Indifferent to it all.</p><p>Just like with Adria. </p><p> </p><p>But he would have to (bitterly) admit that he knew now, how she had made it here (in the position of warden commander): That pure power and control she had displayed every moment they spent in combat. First time he saw her in action ate the cellars, he had been completely taken aback. His instincts and battle experience of course allowed him to just focus on his part and keep his cool, but still... Every time he saw her fight, that feeling was there...</p><p> </p><p><em>Nathaniel looked behind her, readying his aim as Amell gave the signal to attack. He took his shots at the darkspawn, alerting them. They may have been sensing them, but the wardens had managed to drop on them first. </em> <em>He was going to shoot more, but flash of lighting startled him and made him loose his aim. He side glanced at Amell, who had cast the lightning from her hands, to frazzle the monsters. Only one who didn't seem that moved by it, was Oghren, but he was used to her style. They had traveled together before.</em></p><p>
  <em>He watched her as he was taking aim again, as Amell approached the surviving darkspawn, sword drawn. No fear was shown, but no arrogant grin either. Few locks of her deep red hair got loose, as she blocked and sliced nearing darkspawn. Her style was not one of a seasoned warrior or a rogue that emanated finesse...  It lacked something, years of experience maybe or proper professional training: Hers certainly didn't seem like a style he had ever seen before.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> But whatever she lacked, she made up it precision and power. He had never witnessed much magic, let alone a style she fought with. Anders' style couldn't compare to hers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nathaniel stood back, watching in awe at his grey warden commander, despite himself. Whatever her magic didn't destroy, she would finish with her flaming sword. It was natural for all of them to find a role in combat, when she was in charge. She took the lead with ease and completely radiated with confidence, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Awe. That was the only way to speak of it. It was not just impressive. Whatever she lacked in people skills, there was no doubt she had it in her to end the blight and slay the archdemon. It was true what they were saying about her, and as much as he'd like to, he couldn't deny that much.</p><p> </p><p>"We are in the clear." Amell noted, as Oghren and Anders arrived back. "No stragglers nearby then?"</p><p>"Nah, if there are survivors from this mess, they have ran away somewhere." Oghren stated, putting away his two handed axe. "If they were lucky."</p><p>"I see." She responded, a taking a last survey of her surroundings, putting her sword away. She didn't appear disappointed, but was far from proud. Amell looked down at the woman who had begged for their assistance, all in vain. "A pity. We must make our way back to the keep. Seneschal must be informed of this unfortunate result."</p><p>Nathaniel frowned. "What about the bodies? We can't just leave them here to rot." After all that had happened... It just didn't seem right.</p><p>Not for the first time, their eyes clashed: Amell met his gaze with a frown of her own. He felt a tinge of anger in his gut. It wasn't such an outlandish thing to suggest, that they show some respect toward the dead, and offer them their last rites.</p><p>"We cannot, you say?" She repeated dryly. "We are on a schedule Nathaniel. I do not suggest we abandon them here to rot for maker knows how long, I would send men to handle it. Perhaps people who knew them".</p><p>"And how long will that be?" He shot back. "Would it really be an inconvenience to set a pyre aside for few people, out of respect?"</p><p> </p><p>His insistence did not lessen her frown. There was heavy air between them, until Anders stepped forward, coughing to interrupt. "Well there aren't that many of them here. As much as I don't fancy poking around corpses, it shouldn't take so much time..." It was surprisingly decent of him to point out. Uncharacteristic.</p><p>Amell stood there silently, eyes counting the corpses. Then she nodded. "Very well. We will do it. <em>This time. </em>I will look for logs, and start piling up pyres. You find all the corpses you can." She immediately got to work, leaving the men behind her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When she was far enough Oghren stepped beside Nathaniel, all of the men looking after their commander.</p><p>"You like pushing your luck with the boss huh? Not exactly how we spoke to our superiors back in the army."</p><p>"I am just speaking my mind, Oghren." He murmured.</p><p>Anders joined in the conversation, stepping closer as well.</p><p>"Treading a dangerous line there, I tell you. Half of the time I feel like she wants to bite my head off, and I am not the one talking back to her! It is such a shame, considering I am so pretty and charming. A true loss to the world it would be, should I be gone." </p><p>"Your concern is comforting." Nathaniel retorted with heavy sarcasm. </p><p> "Well never claim I didn't warn you." Anders just shrugged. "Because I tried."</p><p>"Ehh, he'll do fine." Oghren mused, clapping Nathaniel's back hard. "Boss always likes the broody - speak your mind - types. Only reason my charm never got to her was 'cause I'm not moody enough. That or she just liked women more."</p><p>"Oh and the one mood you got is just being dirty little drunkard with foul humor." The mage grinned widely. "It is a wonder she hasn't killed you yet."</p><p> </p><p>Nathaniel shook his head. "This conversation has taken a turn to the moronic. Let's just get this done before commander changes her mind."</p><p>"Yeah, probably a good idea. She is known to do that. Bloody women." The dwarf chattered on, walking to the nearest corpse.</p><p> </p><p>It took awhile. Not all body parts were.. attached. They found as much as they possibly could.</p><p>Once everything was done, they all gathered around the pyres. Anders and Amell lit them together with fire magic, as Oghren and Nathaniel watched the fires lit up and start consuming their bodies. It was getting darker, and clouds were gathering over them. This day had gone by quickly, they' be lucky if they made it to the keep before the night.</p><p>Nathaniel looked into the burning flames. Adria was to be burned this evening as well. He wondered if they'd be able to make it there in time. But even if they didn't, it was good to lay these people to rest. He'd feel sickened to leave them behind, for maggots and birds to pick apart until someone else made it here.</p><p> </p><p>"This is all we can do for them. Now we must carry on and return to the keep." Amell said, without looking away from the fires. It was as if the flames themselves started to die under her ice cold scrutiny.</p><p>He swallowed and nodded his head in agreement. "Yes commander."</p><p> </p><p>Without sharing anymore words or looks, they started their journey back to the keep. Mostly Anders and Oghren bickered and had their duels of "wit", Nathaniel only quipping in once in awhile. Their commander walk ahead, not taking part in their conversation, only on occasion glancing over her shoulder as if to check that they do not fall behind. Most of those times, Nathaniel would find himself looking away from her, not to let her know he was watching. It took awhile, when he stopped watching her in earnest and just looked ahead.</p><p>Only once did they stop when she halted them near a river.</p><p>"I will go get some water quickly. It will only take a moment and then we may move forward again."</p><p> </p><p>The bickering duo barely made time to hear her, just continued on with their endless chatter. But once Amell was out of earshot, Nathaniel shifted toward the other two men, a with a  question that had been burning in his mind for hours now.</p><p>"Oghren, I have a question for you."</p><p>Two men quickly ended their prattle and looked at the dark haired man. The blond mage quickly grinned a mocking grin. "Right when the boss went away? Ooh I smell something juicy coming. Are we going to gossip like school girls?" </p><p>"Unlike you, I have a serious issue in my mind." Now ignoring the mage and focusing on the dwarf, Nathaniel pressed on. "Were you there when my father was killed?"</p><p>That shut up the mage. He had apparently the common sense to not to make snide remarks about this subject... Or he was just curious of the response. Regardless, it made the dwarf just scowl and sigh. If he didn't know any better, it would seem like the other man had suspected this topic to pop up sooner or later, and seemed rather bothered by it... Especially with the commander just having left them to their own devices.</p><p>"Don't go diggin' in the dust for things laid to rest. Does no one any good."</p><p>"Whatever people say about he was still <em>my father, </em>and I just want to know if--" For a second he hesitated. On some level, he knew that the other man was right. But majority of him couldn't just let it go, so he pressed on. "--if he suffered."</p><p>The dwarf sighed a second time, letting out an awkward breath. "I am not the person to ask." He said this whilst looking at the direction of their commander. Nathaniel followed that gaze, until his eyes also found her. She had finished filling up her flash and was turning back.</p><p>"Very well Oghren... Evade the question." It was not that he wanted to have this conversation near her anyway... But since the dwarf refused to answer, there was no conversation to be had regardless.</p><p> </p><p>Amell walked back to them, and noticed the awkward shift in atmosphere. They were quiet, except for Anders' whistling. She quipped her eyebrow, but did not start prying.</p><p>"Ready to move?"</p><p>"Aye, boss."</p><p> </p><p>Thus their journey continued on.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Journey to the Vigil's keep took longer than expected because of the lingering darkspawn on the way. The group were back late at the evening but luckily just in time for Adria's pyre which had been set outside the keep. Alone, Nathaniel watched as the woman who had offered him support and love turned to ashes. As hurtful as it was, it was more than he had had with the rest of his family, sad as that may have been. It was the best goodbye he'd be getting. The best clousure.</p><p>He waited to the very end, when the fire died down. One more funeral to this day. All because of the blighted monsters. </p><p>Evening had turned to night but the man could not bring himself to go asleep just yet. He doubted Anders and Oghren were asleep just yet either, but he had no wish to seek their company. Last thing he wanted was to listen to their endless quarreling, humorous or not. Not after Adria's funeral.</p><p>No, what he wanted now was a stiff drink. The kitchen had some in a special larder, just like when he was younger and he'd see his younger brother ransacking it late at night. It would seem some things would never changed. He grabbed a bottle of some red wine, a goblet and then strode to the guards' and servants' dining hall, which was currently empty: At this hour, no one would bother him. It was dimly lit, just enough for him to see around. He took his seat on the bench, and poured the goblet full. Not very proper and noble of him, but he had never cared much for those customs anyhow, no matter how much his family had tried to mold him into their image.</p><p>He took a first gulp from his drink: The wine didn't taste bad per say, but the quality was on the cheaper scale of things. Pretty standard for guards and servants, the good stuff was left for the guests and "higher" folk. </p><p>His eyes looked deep into the wooden goblet, swirling the red liquid in it. He was not a nobleman, not anymore. But he had always strived to meet his father's approval. The man had been his hero, and thus he wanted to meet up with the standards. To be better. Not often successfully, otherwise he'd never been sent to the Free marches. It had been an education, that's for certain. He didn't regret it... But if he had known, that when he left for his squiring, it'd be the last time he was together with his family... He would have done so many things differently.</p><p>Nathaniel quickly drank few goblets of wine, to drown these dark thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>"Am I interrupting?" Familiar voice said behind him. Startled Nathaniel looked over his shoulder, towards the door to the hall. He already knew without looking who it was, but some reflexes couldn't be held back. <em>Of all the times... Why now?</em> He thought to himself, not really int he mood for any company. Especially hers. Looking more closely, he noticed that she had something on her back but due to the darkness, he couldn't make it out clear enough, not from this distance. Only thing he saw, was that she was in casual wear again. The same outfit he had seen this morning.</p><p>"Yes, but nothing special." He retorted, turning back to his drink. "Can I help you somehow commander?" He hadn't noticed when, but he had started to call her with her title again. Some anger within him forced him to put as much distance to the woman as possible... It had been too soon for him to be any more familiar than that, despite her request.</p><p>It was clear she was coming closer, as her voice and steps grew louder.</p><p>"Yes you can. But I first I would like a drink myself. Do you still have enough for me in that, or do I get a new one?"</p><p>The implications frustrated him slightly. Of all the places, of all the wines, did she had to come for the bottle he was drinking in privacy?</p><p>"Most of it is left."</p><p>"And mind if I have a cup or two?"</p><p>Letting out a tired breath, Nathaniel scoffed: "Wouldn't matter what I think. It is yours to begin with, you know. Everything here is nowadays." There was no attempt to hide the snark.</p><p>Now that she had reached him and was next to him, Amell quipped her thick eyebrow in a manner that was very characteristic of her.</p><p>"Tsk." She clicked her tongue, in a surprisingly feminine manner. "You haven't been very afraid to speak your mind before. But you are right for once. I might as well get a goblet right away." She started making her way to the kitchen. "Just remember I gave you an option to decline." The woman made no attempt to hide her snark either. But snark or no, her tone was lighter than what she had used any other time they'd chatted.</p><p>His mood was near foul, especially in her company. But for some reason, the casual exchange didn't bother him as much as he thought it would. He may not care for her much, but this conversation was at worst amusing, so he saw no harm in it.</p><p>That wasn't the only thing he saw however.</p><p> </p><p>Looking at the back of her as she moved toward the kitchen, he found himself looking at her curvaceous, hourglass figure. She was thin, but not in a  fragile way like most mages: Due to fighting like a warrior, her body presented the fact that she also had muscles and thus, strength. It must have been the wine, because he realized now, how much of a woman she was. </p><p><em>What is the <strong>matter</strong> with you, </em>he quickly scolded himself out of that line of thinking and instead focused on the object on her back which he had been unable to see before. </p><p>A bow, a fine looking one. There was something familiar about it but he couldn't put finger on what it was. </p><p> </p><p>Soon, Amell came back from the kitchen, a goblet in hand. She sat opposite of Nathaniel, putting the bow onto the bench beside her. He passed the wine to her: She poured herself almost a full goblet of wine before setting it back onto the table. Swirling and looking at the deep red liquid, she finally brought the goblet to her full red lips. Despite the quality, she at least didn't make any visible signs of displeasure. </p><p>"Don't you have some quality wine, reserved somewhere?"</p><p>"I do," she admitted, not looking up from the goblet, "but the idea of a nightcap was an afterthought. And where alcohol is concerned, I might value better quality, but at the end of the day I am not so picky."</p><p>"Not just in alcohol I'd say. Just look at your choice of wardens."</p><p>Letting out a single, low and sultry laugh, Amell finally looked up from her drink. "Are you comparing yourself to cheap wine?"</p><p>"Not... exactly. Well maybe Oghren." He shifted slightly in his chair, as if uncomfortable, but really he was fighting a smile and failing. Finally he brought the drink to his lips, to hide his grin. "Alright. You got me."</p><p>She hummed in small victory, and took another sip as well. "I admit, I've had many unusual allies," she continued after a moment, "for example you aren't the first companion I've had who has wanted me dead."</p><p>He looked up, surprised. "That so? I can't imagine." There was obvious sarcasm in his tone, which she picked on.</p><p>Nodding, her expression remained neutral, much eyes and brow had mischievous glimmer in them. "An Antivan crow. I spared his life, exchange for his services."</p><p>"Sounds  familiar" he murmured, pouring more wine for the both of them. "A Howe... An assassin... Of all the people in Ferelden, you want such people with you. You really are a strange woman." He remarked.</p><p>"Perhaps." Amell said, holding her goblet up, accepting more of the wine. "But I did not make it where I am for being like everyone else, that's for sure." She paused, looked down at her goblet. "And for that matter, being a grey warden is far from a typical as well, so I'll take strange personalities over typical, any day."</p><p>Thinking about it, Nathaniel conceded into a nod. He did understand where she was coming from. "And that explains why Oghren is here." </p><p>"Exactly." A small tug at the corner of her lip could be noticed.</p><p> </p><p>She didn't push the conversation any further, although part of Nathaniel wished she would. Right at this moment, in the darkness of this dining hall, she had made him think of something else beyond his dark thoughts and for a second, even made him smile.</p><p>Back in his cell, when he had witnessed her the first time, Nathaniel had clearly notices her striking features but now for the first time he truly <em>observed</em>.</p><p>She was obviously striking, but not in the way nobles saw ideal beauty, or what noblemen looked for in ideal ladies. She wasn't delicate, nor was she something one would think about when imagining a "fair maiden". Yes, she had a light skin, but had a skin of a traveler. There was little bit of traditional beauty to her, but mostly she could be considered... unorthodox. Mature. High cheekbones, steep arched slightly thick eyebrows, striking jawline, long, sharp and slightly crooked nose... But those greenish ocean blue eyes were really something else, with dark lashes... and that long and curly red hair.</p><p>Her presence was altogether strong, so it would be difficult not to at least notice her in public, but unless you took your time to look at her, to <em>really </em>look at her, it might be easy to miss the depth of her attractiveness. Only clear thing was, that she differed from women around her, and that she had a very unique look to her.</p><p>Alcohol was playing tricks to his mind, as he felt like he was talking to someone completely new, not his commander. A beautiful woman, who had her own brand of charm.</p><p>Here, in the dim light, she was like a different woman, and not the one he had traveled alongside with today. The one he had talked this morning. The one who had conscripted him... And the one he had planned on killing before... The one who was responsible for his family's ruin... The one who killed his father.</p><p> </p><p>Nathaniel frowned, once again remembering who they were. These two days had felt much longer than what they had been. All these huge changes had left him confused, and witnessing all the dead this day alone had made him forget the flow of the time. And loss of Adria... had left him emotionally and mentally exhausted.</p><p>Little by little, he started to think beyond his slightly tipsy state, and remember the uneasiness he felt towards this woman. The strain between them started to return little by little. Whether or not Amell noticed his change in mood, he wasn't sure of. She must have? At least she made no mention of it if she did.</p><p> </p><p>Frowning, he put down his goblet, quickly glancing at the wine bottle. It was near it's end. </p><p>"You didn't come here just for company, right?" </p><p>Pleasant mood now all but vanished, Amell had her neutral mask back on. She lowered her goblet as well, looking at it for a second, before answering.</p><p>"I didn't." She confirmed. "I went back to the cellars, where we fought the undead this morning."</p><p>"Again? Why?"</p><p>"I found the place interesting, and I wanted to inspect it more closely." Whilst the mechanism to the door seemed interesting enough, Nathaniel wondered if there even was anything worthwhile behind it. "But whilst I was there I found this bow."</p><p>"I wondered why you had one with you." He inclined his head toward the bow on the bench beside her. "I didn't take you for an archer."</p><p>"That's because I am not one. But I thought you might find it interesting." Amell lifted the bow, onto the table, in front of Nathaniel. "Look closely."</p><p> </p><p>Looking at the bow as she had told him, his eyes focused on a symbol on the wood, which looked like it was burnt there. <em>Wait</em>. <em>Is this what I think it is? </em>Nathaniel gently pulled the bow closer, and inspected it more carefully. <em>It is!</em></p><p>He raised his eyes away from it, to Amell, visibly taken aback.</p><p>"This-- This is my grandfathers bow."</p><p>The woman seemed surprised as well. "I noticed the crest on it, so I brought it to you. I figured it must belong to your family but I didn't know it was your grandfather's."</p><p>"Or rather, he was the last one to use it." His gaze turned down again, admiring the family weapon. "It was originally made for an ancestor during the Exalted Marches."</p><p>"I see. Well..." She said, last of the surprise washed away: "Now it is yours. You are a skilled man, Nathaniel. I trust you will put it to good use."</p><p>Eyes darting back to the woman, he felt like he had been hit with something. He was surprised and glad, but confused. Not sure what to say to her he stayed quiet for some time, searching for words. It had been a real storm of different emotions, in a very short amount of time.</p><p>"I-- Thank you." He finally managed. "It is good to have part of my family's legacy again... Something to--" He needed to swallow quickly, throat feeling dry, "--Something to be proud of."</p><p> </p><p>Amell remained quiet, not even nodding, not drinking wine. She simply looked at him, and the bow, with an unreadable face. Nathaniel frowned, unsure what to make of the silence. Finally, Amell leaned forward slightly, looking intently him in the eyes.</p><p>"We need to talk about what happened at the Turnoble estate." There it was: The commander he recalled from earlier this day, the intense woman with cold determination. She was sitting very close. "I waited until Adria's funeral was done, to have this conversation. I assumed you wanted some privacy, and gave it. But sooner this is dealt with, the better."</p><p>Brow furrowed, he returned her stare. "Is that why you brought me this bow? To ease the conversation?"</p><p>"I brought it to you, because it is yours. I was correct in assuming you'd want it and I trust you will put it to good use. But I did not come here simply to offer gifts or have pleasant conversations. This is business."</p><p>Small part of him, wanted to be get angry agian. Only a small, childish part (surprisingly enough). Rest of him, even in this tipsy state, remained calm. He realized his commander was speaking to him, and he should listen, despite their differences. She had been considerate to him, or at least was trying to make the effort. He felt that he should be trying as well.</p><p>"What is it you wish to say exactly?" He asked carefully.</p><p>"I wanted to---" She began speaking very sternly, but suddenly stopped herself. As if she had reminded herself of something, Amell straightened her back, and spoke calmer, when she began again:</p><p>"I wanted to make clear, that when we are on the field, doing everything is simply not possible. Sometimes we simply must walk away. I won't fault you for today. After all, we did have some time to spare, and it was... <em>decent </em>of you to insist we do. But time is precious, and almost always should be spent moving forward, to get as much done as possible. Objectives must be prioritized, often very harshly."</p><p>Remaining quiet, Nathaniel watched as she poured last of the wine into their goblets.</p><p>"Tell me... Did you run into such horrific scenes during your time in the Free Marches?"</p><p>Thinking of it, he took his goblet of wine in hand.</p><p>"I did. On occasion, there were raided villages, or harassed caravans. All by different outlaws or beasts. Not darkspawn though. I got the real taste of them when I got back to Ferelden." He still remembered vomiting when he saw such a scene for the first time, back in his squiring days. He had emptied his stomach soon after.</p><p>Tapping her finger lightly on her goblet, Amell looked at him.</p><p>"Yes. A taste. But you weren't here during the Blight." Her eyes had a distant look in them, almost hollow. "Every other village we passed by, no matter where we'd end up, we faced such a scene.  Scenes caused by darkspawn, abominations, or simply people taking advantage of the situation... Not to mention what happened at Ostagar. No place was safe from the Blight. I do not know if we saw more of death than we did of life. And I do not exaggerate." Amell took a long gulp of her wine, as if to try and drink that sentence away. For a second he thought she might drink all of it at once, alas some of it was left when she lowered the goblet. </p><p>"I knew the Blight was horrible but... I didn't realize..." Slightly ashamed, he also took a similar gulp of his wine.</p><p>Answering his comment with only her eyes, she began her next sentence: </p><p>"We could not bury every single one. Even if we wanted to. At the same time there were oo many corpses and too many living who were completely helpless without aid. That is what the Blight was. And I do not regret moving forward as fast as possible when I had to." She said with a hoarser voice. "This may not be a Blight, but it is a related crisis. I want you to understand, why I take certain courses of action: Not out of spite, but because we must be vigilant... so as much as you may wish to, we cannot bury all."</p><p>There was more behind that sentence, more than just about funeral pyres. Specifics were unclear, but the feelings were there. </p><p>"I know." He answered after a short period of silence on his part, voice hoarse and low. "And I understand."</p><p>"I definitely hope so." Drinking what was left of her goblet, she finally stood up from the bench. "I will retire for the night. You should too. We have some field work to do again tomorrow."</p><p>"I will soon. Thank you again Amell. For the bow." He made eye contact with her for the last time that night. "It matters a great deal to me."</p><p>She nodded. "Of course." </p><p> </p><p>Nathaniel watched her disappear into the dark hallway, leaving her goblet behind. He turned his eyes to his own drink (or what was left of it). In one evening he had felt grief, amusement, frustration, anger, regret and tipsy. Who was this person? Who was this woman, who was almost impossible to read? Who was this woman, who was unlike anyone else he had ever met before? Yet again, he wondered how he came to be here, in this strange position. </p><p>After sitting there for awhile in confusing Nathaniel drank what was left of his wine, left the dining hall, and retired for the night. This night, he did not see nightmares.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am not the best at describing looks, but I did my best. Here is a folder of inspiration for my Amell. It shows kinda the idea of what I imagine her looking like.<br/>https://fi.pinterest.com/cinnamonmp/fantasy-characters/the-red-mage/</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Feedback is appreciated c: &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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